Real life, meet my girl brain. Girl brain, meet real life.

The past two days have been pretty blah. I haven’t done much in the realm of physical activity. My Fitbit is mocking me. I seem to have found myself encapsulated in a shroud of apathy….blah.

This morning I began looking at job openings in various towns. I’ve had a lot on my mind in regards to change. It is a lot to sit down and think about.

I don’t think I would want to repeat being a caregiver again. At least not for now. I’ve put some thought into the postal service or Fed Ex, just because the idea of walking around all day seems awesome.

I don’t like saying that I have to put a focus on greater wealth, because I feel selfish in doing so. I find it to be a necessity though. At least to live my life the way I truly want to.

My girl brain tends to live in fantasy: Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to find a more physically or mentally active job? One that would pay a more livable wage? One that I could feel secure enough in that I could put thought into more possibilities…like a house?

Would I even know what to do with one if I had one? Ha. Probably not. I am the D- of home repairs and knowing things. But my SO isn’t. Oh, god. Why would I start thinking about that? Am I thinking about wanting to start an actual future with this guy?

I would like to be able to afford to take care of him. It would be nice to come home to my honey after work while he’s spent a long day taking care of the weasels.

We could have three bedrooms… One for sleep, one for a walk in closet/ office, and the other for a treadmill (so I don’t have to feel so damn self conscious). We could have hardwood floors in the main areas because it is easier to clean up after the weasels. We could make gates to keep the kids from wandering into the carpeted areas.

We could have a backyard that is fenced in for our someday Siberian Husky named Tundra…

Wake up! Oh dear, things got real for a second there. Is that what I would really want out of life? Would I sincerely want to morph into a suburban middle class ABC Family sitcom type life?

Given the life I have lived before, I would have never thought I would see the day.

This morning I looked up dental assistant school. Not a full blown hygienist program, just the 10 week dental assistant program. I could see myself doing that for a few years while I continue working on my substance abuse certifications.

The only thing that scares me about that is paying for it. It is $3500 including books. Not saying that is a bad price or it is unattainable. I’m sure I could qualify for a loan or save my tax return and a little bit extra each month until it becomes a reality.

I think the deep rooted issue here is my fear of failure. Not so much that I wouldn’t pass the classes, more so that I wouldn’t be taken seriously as a candidate for a dental assistant job…. That would be an issue. Especially when it came time to pay off the schooling.

I still have that same worry when it comes to the schooling I am receiving right now. The only difference is, if I continue half time as I am, it will be about five years before I have to worry about it (NOT SAYING THAT IS A WISE ANSWER OR THOUGHT PATTERN).

Just a lot of thoughts going on.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Best Wishes,

Omnia

I am a thoughtful guy. Rhett and Link ❤

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