Just another day in paradise. Currently at work. Not particularly thrilled about it. We have been short staffed for an entire year. Now, my boss (who is relatively new) is quitting. It is getting really old.
I’m still in the process of trying to change my circumstances. This upcoming Saturday I have a 3 hour long E-COMM test to see if I can make it to the next round of hiring hurdles for the county 911 call center. If I can succeed in that, it would truly be a blessing. Not only financially, but also for a future in crisis intervention.
The other day I registered and paid the $500 to hold my place for training at the Bellin Hospital in Green Bay. I will be spending 4 days doing intensive training in Recovery Coaching so I can obtain my certification. This opportunity means the world to me because I want to be able to make a difference and help others maintain a life of sobriety. I feel like this will be a good stepping stone considering that obtaining my SACIT is a ways away.
Testing and competition has always been something that makes me nervous as hell. I know I will do fine. It’s just that the fear of failing is always so strong that trying is terrifying. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate not having absolute answers or concrete evidence. I hate the unknown. AHH. I think the main internal struggle is that I never believe I am good enough to do anything. I always feel like I am a complete idiot and incapable of things. Deep down I know that can’t be true, but I have been told that or have been treated as such for so many years that it sticks.
I really need to get out of this current employment with a solid plan. I hate feeling like there is no reason to go above and beyond in my position because it isn’t worth it. I hate being underpaid. I hate the sneaky behind the back games the office plays to knock a few dollars here and there off of mine and others paychecks. I hate that the company doesn’t care enough about its current staff to show they are appreciated. Everywhere in this company is short staffed. Recruiting is apparently a chore for them. Also, the turn over is so high that every possible candidate appears to be a waste of money.
Send some extra brainy vibes and some courage this way, my friends. I’m really hoping I can rock this exam.